Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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