Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
