he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
