Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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