hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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