if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.