She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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