Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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