I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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