apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
handjob tips. give me some.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
