I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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