yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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