plz talk dirty to me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
