New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
