i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
