I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
