the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
