i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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