I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
