If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
