three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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