I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
