We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
