Yo dont text me then not text me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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