pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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