I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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