Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
