I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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