I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
