I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
