At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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