So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
