we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
