So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
