Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
