I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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