I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am one with the molecules
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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