I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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