All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
