Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
