I bet he comes in French.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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