dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
