We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
