go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I could fuck to npr.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
