Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Where is the hickey?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
