Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
