She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
