i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
