you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
