I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
