Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
