I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i now understand why vodka
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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