Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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