Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize