we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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