super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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