and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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